"I don't want to be good enough"

I've been thinking a lot lately about the role of parents.  It began when our pastor gave a message last Sunday about the impact of rejection on us.  He posed the question... why does rejection cause such pain even when you receive multiple positive affirmations?  Why does rejection as a child, adolescent, or even adult have the power to change who we are?  Why does it hold such significance in who we become and often lead down destructive paths?  I understand that rejection can come from many sources- parents, siblings, friends, and even strangers- but I truly feel that the rejection someone feels when they are abandoned by a parent has the longest, most devastating impact.

I've been lucky in my life to have parents that have always been there.  I haven't ever had to feel rejection on that level...and I'm thankful.  Everyday as a teacher I believe I see the impact that this has on who my teenage students have become.  Many seem so lost that they will seek any form of attention- often negative- in order to be seen.  I've had several students come into class angry everyday, bitter, and negative.  It's as if they have put up a wall to make sure that no one will let them down and they lower their expectations for themselves so that they can't even let themselves down.

With Mother's day this weekend and Father's day not far behind, I hope that all mothers and fathers will realize that they have been given a wonderful gift in getting to be a parent.  I hope we all understand that with this right comes significant responsibility.

Children need you to be their life vest... protect them, keep support them, and keep them safe.

I was reminded of the impact of rejection when I watched the VH1 show, Couples Therapy.  So, I am a little embarrassed to say I was watching this show... however there was a marathon on and nothing else to watch so I got sucked in... it's not my fault :-)  Anyway... while watching Couples Therapy (mostly D-list celebrity couples live in the same house and are counseled for a month or so) the "hard-core" rapper DMX was featured with his wife.  While in therapy, 41 year-old DMX broke down, sobbing, crying because of the pain he STILL feels about being left by his mother when he was 7!

Let me repeat:  A 41 year-old rapper was sobbing over not being ever being able to call his mother "mommy" and never being told "I love you."

Do you see the necessity for present, loving parents?

I was hit hard once more this week when I finally got around to watching the movie Courageous.  I've put off watching it because to be honest... it's a "Christian" movie and I was afraid it would be filled with bad acting and corny dialogue.  Well... there was some of that- but the message was so GOOD that it didn't matter.  The movie is about a father's role, more specifically a father's role according to the Bible.  In our society, growing up in a household without a father has become so normal that I probably almost come off as "judgemental" when I say that I think this change has also had a role in some of the negative changes that our society has experienced as well.

In the end of the movie, the main character says this...

"....A father should love his children and seek to win their hearts.  He should protect them, discipline them, and teach them about God.  He should model how to walk with integrity and treat others with respect, and should call out his children to become responsible men and women who live their lives for what matters in eternity."

 
Unless you don't believe in God, I don't know any person who would argue with this idea of fatherhood- however we are quick to accept when fathers walk away, or when mothers don't make having their child's father in their life a priority.  I get that there are some circumstances that are beyond anyone's control, so I'm not saying that every situation is the same.  What I am saying is that regardless of why a parent is absent, I do believe that it has a significant impact on who that child becomes- for some more than others.

There was one other line that really impacted me from the same speech as the quote above.  He said...

 "as a father, you are accountable to God for the position of influence He has given you."

Everyday, parents- including myself- take for granted this position that God has entrusted us with.  

In the beginning of this post, I restated a question that my pastor asked in his message- Why does rejection as a child, adolescent, or even adult have the power to change who we are?  Why does it hold such significance in who we become and often lead down destructive paths?

His response to that was because we were not ever supposed to experience hurt and rejection.  When God created us, we were created "in his own image" (Genesis 1:27) and the image of God is one of love.  The Bible says "whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love" (1 John 4:8) 

God calls on us to love.  God said the most important commandment is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." The second most important commandment is to "love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:28-32)
  
We were called to and created to love one another.  We were never meant to feel rejection, disappointment or pain, so when we do- it hurts... bad and it can cause us to act out in search of the love that we were created to feel.

This Mother's day I will remember that being a mother is a privilege, it is a gift given to me by God.  No matter how tired I am or frustrated, or angry, or annoyed- I have been placed in a position of influence and I would be dishonoring God if I did not hold myself accountable to His expectations. With that being said......

Happy Mother's Day to everyone who is a mother (or mother figure) to someone!   

(almost) Mother's Day 2012

recipe you'll want to try... corn chowder

So... I made something yummy in my kitchen the other day and I thought I would share this delicious recipe with anyone who wants it.  The original recipe was adapted (I tend to switch out time consuming things like cutting corn off of the cob even though I'm sure it's better that way) and can be found here(AmyBites).

Corn Chowder (Yum!)
4-5 servings

You need:
1 bag of frozen sweet corn
1 lb. potatoes
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 onion, diced
1 red bell pepper, diced
3 tablespoons flour
2 cups lowfat milk
1 1/4 cup reduced fat, reduced sodium chicken broth
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
Green onions, sliced, for topping
Reduced fat cheddar cheese, for topping

Now what you need to do...

1.  Wash the potatoes, pierce them with a fork, and microwave them until tender (8-10 minutes).  When they cool, cut into bite-sized pieces.

2.   Cook your corn according to directions (I steamed mine in the bag in the microwave), then set aside.

3.  Heat olive oil in a saute pan over medium-high heat.  Add onions and saute for 2-3 minutes.  Then add red pepper and saute for 1 additional minute.  Depending on what pan/pot you used, you may need to switch to a larger pot (something that the soup can cook in).  Add corn and stir.

4.  Whisk flour into 1/2 cup of milk and add to corn/onions/red pepper.  Stir.

5.  Add in 1 1/2 cups of milk and broth.  Add salt and pepper.  Cover and bring to a boil, then cook for 1 minute. Reduce heat to a simmer, uncover, and cook for an additional 10 minutes or until thickened. Stir in potatoes. Season with additional salt and pepper to taste, if desired.

6.  You can top with cheddar cheese and green onions.

According to amyBITES... each serving only has 278 calories and 4.6g fat.

All pictures taken by my camera phone :-)

hair today, gone tomorrow

     I forgot to mention in the last post, that since Easter... Peyton's dad gave him a haircut.. (which at the same time resulted in me having a major breakdown).  Luckily, I'm now over the fact that Peyton's hair is gone and I actually like it better than before.  I'm still going to let it grow to see if it'll curl up like before, but luckily I'm no longer on the verge of tears when I see that my little boys hair is no longer there!  He's growing into a big boy but he's still my cutie.

to the ocean for a weekend

     Unfortunately, I haven't been too motivated to blog lately...  I guess there just hasn't been a whole lot going on.  Last weekend, however, something pretty exciting went on!  We took Peyton to the beach for the first time.  I'd like to document with a picture because it's just such a beautiful picture.  Hopefully we'll make it back a few more times this summer when the weather is a little nicer and Peyton can actually go in the water- because believe me- he wanted too!

Jesus rose from the grave and we visited a zoo, all in one weekend- kinda

     On Saturday morning, Peyton visited the zoo for the first time!  He did a great job.  We made the mistake of going to the part of the zoo where you can pet and feed the animals first.  From there on, he thought he could pet and feed every animal... including lemurs, lions, and monkeys!  I had to stop him several times from climbing over the fence.  He's a wild (or typical?) 15 month old.

Easter was super busy.  We went to church early, but stayed for the second service to serve in the children ministry.  Peyton was beat by the time we left and took a long nap when we got home.  Later we ate dinner with my family to celebrate.

I don't think people really get the importance of Easter sometimes.  Brandon and I have debated whether or not to teach Peyton about the Easter bunny.  I think because there's really no connection that can be made between the Easter bunny and the Resurrection of Jesus, we probably won't be telling him that a bunny brings him his basket.  It's not like he's asked yet :-) so, we'll see how it goes. 

Peyton had a rough night Saturday... so he woke up in our bed Easter morning.

  I hope Peyton grows up to understand how much Jesus loves him.  So much so that he died on a cross for our sins.  I want him to know that Easter solidified our place in heaven as long as Peyton chooses to believe in Jesus and follow Him.  Jesus rose from the grave and proved to all those who doubted him, that he IS the Messiah.  He is the son of God and he has given us all HOPE beyond this temporary life.  Unfortunately, the Easter bunny just doesn't really fit in.  But, no one said we can't celebrate with baskets and goodies :-)  We'll cross that other bridge when we get to it.  HAPPY EASTER!

 

What a difference a year makes!