"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have
to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I
want all of you, forever, you and me, every day."
And this is the truth.
Marriage is NOT easy. Anyone who says they "just want their relationship to be easy" doesn't have a realistic view on relationships. How can a relationship between two people ever be easy when we're talking about people.
People are NOT easy. I am not easy. You are not easy. Living with you for the rest of my life- no matter how much I love you- would not be easy. And that's fine because I'm not expecting it to be.
On June 20th, Brandon and I are sharing our four year anniversary. In four years, nothing has been easy- but everything has gotten better. I love him more now than I thought possible. We met in high school and when I went away to college, I used to cry for hours each time I would leave him. I never thought I would love him more than I did then. But I do.
But we work at things.
I ignore things that bother me (Think: socks on the floor, dishes left unclean, moodiness)
He apologizes when he's wrong (really he apologizes when I think he's wrong.. and I try to do the same)
He puts up with me being a little too clingy and motherly (I'm really just wondering when he'll be home so that I know he's safe)
I forgive him quickly even when he really hurts my feelings and he does the same for me.
We argue. I'm not good at keeping my thoughts to myself. But we don't leave our arguments as they are.
He is my best friend. He cares what I think and I care what he thinks even though I really don't know why he asks me if his shirts or shoes match with jeans- what doesn't match with jeans?
I think marriage can be easier if you have realistic expectations. Your spouse is going to let you down. Your spouse is going to hurt your feelings. Your spouse is going to forget something that was important to you. Your spouse is not always going to have the right words or make enough money or love you in the way you feel you need to be loved.
My spouse is not perfect and neither am I. I will let him down as well, but if he loves me- he will still love me when I do. If he is committed to our marriage and our family, he will forgive me. Because I love him, I will try to do better in the future.
On our wedding day I repeated these vows to Brandon:
Today I take you to be my husband.
I
make a commitment to you today:
With
God's help I will love and serve,
Honor,
and protect you.
I'm
choosing today
to
spend the rest of my life with you.
I
will walk with you when life is good,
and
through every storm.
you are a gift to me from God.
I
hope others see His heart and love,
in
the way I care for you.
Today,
I pledge my love to you.
With
this ring,
I
give you my promise that from this day forward,
you
shall not walk alone.
May
my heart be your shelter
And
my arms be your home.
May
God bless you always.
May
we talk together through all things.
May
you feel deeply loved, for indeed you are.
May
you always see your innocence in my eyes.
I
give you my heart.
I
have no greater gift to give.
I
promise I shall always do my best.
I
feel so honored to call you my husband
I
feel so pleased to call you mine.
May
we feel this joy forever.
On June 20th, 2008, I made a commitment that I intended to keep. I don't do it on my own. I've learned love, compassion, and forgiveness in the way that God has love, compassion, and forgiveness for me. I know that we would not be where we are without Jesus as the foundation of our marriage and of our lives. I've read about amazing things that have been done in people's marriages because of God's love and our willingness to forgive as he forgave us.
And our willingness to turn away from what is wrong and do what is right.
And our willingness to work hard and not give up.
A part of me is writing this so that when things get hard, as I'm sure they will, I can come back to it and remind myself why he is worth it... why I am worth it...
We made a beautiful little boy- he alone is worth it! I hope our marriage serves as an example for him... of what TO DO, not what not to do.
I hope he loves deeply.
I hope he sees us love each other deeply.
I hope we always stay strong- in our faith and our commitment to each other.
Brandon,
You are a gift to me from God. I hope others see His heart and love, in the way I care for you. I give you my heart. I have no greater gift to give. I promise I will always do try my best.
I decided that it's important for me to document this Valentine's day and acknowledge and recognize my amazing husband. Having been together now for 9 Valentine's days (5 dating and now 4 as actual married people! crazy), I think we sometimes fall into a funk. So this Valentine's day, we celebrated on Saturday instead of tonight- Tuesday. If you can't tell, Tuesday would not work so well seeing as I worked all day, B's at work now and I'm going to be ready for bed as soon as I'm done writing this :-)
So Saturday... our special Valentine's day was celebrated how???..... da da da... drumroll please.....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Going to the movies! And I know that was way too dramatic for the outcome.
Going to the movies was something we used to do every weekend- that is before our little man came along. Now, it kinda actually is a treat to go to the movies, not to mention we saw Safe House.. which (if you don't know) has Denzel Washington in it and if you know me- you know that I don't miss opening weekend of a Denzel Washington movie! Luckily it happened to come out the weekend before Valentine's Day- so whatdoyouknow.. perfect way to spend our evening together. Dinner (Macaroni Grill) and a movie (Denzel Washington with the added plus of Ryan Reynolds). It was nice. The movie was good- except for the running late from dinner and now stuck in the first row part, nevertheless- it was good! We saw the 7ish show because we're old people basically and I knew I'd be tired and we had church in the morning. So we saw the old people showing, picked up Pey by 10:15 and were in bed by 11. But it was good. It was another day I got to spend with Brandon.
So today is the actual Valentine's Day and Brandon seriously surprised me! This doesn't usually happen so I was really, genuinely surprised! He had flowers sent my school. A student aide brought them up to me during 5th period and all my students watched me open them. They told me I should be crying.. (and I probably would have if I didn't have a bunch of high schoolers staring at me). I don't surprise Brandon enough, so I at least wanted to write a post to say that I love him.
I love you Brandon.
I appreciate you everyday and I don't tell you that enough either. I'm sorry that I always say that the house is messy, because there are so many things you do so perfectly.
You are seriously my best friend and I really don't know what I'd do without you.
When I see you with Peyton, I am so in awe.
I love you more than I could even figure out how to put into words and I thank God everyday for bringing us together.
