i do... four years later

Noah in The Notebook says...

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day."

And this is the truth.

Marriage is NOT easy.  Anyone who says they "just want their relationship to be easy" doesn't have a realistic view on relationships.  How can a relationship between two people ever be easy when we're talking about people.

People are NOT easy.  I am not easy.  You are not easy.  Living with you for the rest of my life- no matter how much I love you- would not be easy.  And that's fine because I'm not expecting it to be.

On June 20th, Brandon and I are sharing our four year anniversary.  In four years, nothing has been easy- but everything has gotten better.  I love him more now than I thought possible.  We met in high school and when I went away to college, I used to cry for hours each time I would leave him.  I never thought I would love him more than I did then.  But I do.

But we work at things.

I ignore things that bother me  (Think: socks on the floor, dishes left unclean, moodiness)
He apologizes when he's wrong (really he apologizes when I think he's wrong.. and I try to do the same)
He puts up with me being a little too clingy and motherly (I'm really just wondering when he'll be home so that I know he's safe)
I forgive him quickly even when he really hurts my feelings and he does the same for me.

We argue.  I'm not good at keeping my thoughts to myself.  But we don't leave our arguments as they are.

He is my best friend.  He cares what I think and I care what he thinks even though I really don't know why he asks me if his shirts or shoes match with jeans- what doesn't match with jeans?

I think marriage can be easier if you have realistic expectations.  Your spouse is going to let you down.  Your spouse is going to hurt your feelings.  Your spouse is going to forget something that was important to you.  Your spouse is not always going to have the right words or make enough money or love you in the way you feel you need to be loved.

My spouse is not perfect and neither am I.  I will let him down as well, but if he loves me- he will still love me when I do.  If he is committed to our marriage and our family, he will forgive me.  Because I love him, I will try to do better in the future.

On our wedding day I repeated these vows to Brandon:

Today I take you to be my husband.

I make a commitment to you today:

With God's help I will love and serve,

Honor, and protect you.

I'm choosing today

to spend the rest of my life with you.

I will walk with you when life is good,

and through every storm.

you are a gift to me from God.

I hope others see His heart and love,

in the way I care for you.

Today, I pledge my love to you.

With this ring,

I give you my promise that from this day forward,

you shall not walk alone.

May my heart be your shelter

And my arms be your home.

May God bless you always.

May we talk together through all things.

May you feel deeply loved, for indeed you are.

May you always see your innocence in my eyes.

I give you my heart.

I have no greater gift to give.

I promise I shall always do my best.

I feel so honored to call you my husband

I feel so pleased to call you mine.

May we feel this joy forever.

On June 20th, 2008, I made a commitment that I intended to keep.  I don't do it on my own.  I've learned love, compassion, and forgiveness in the way that God has love, compassion, and forgiveness for me.  I know that we would not be where we are without Jesus as the foundation of our marriage and of our lives.  I've read about amazing things that have been done in people's marriages because of God's love and our willingness to forgive as he forgave us.

And our willingness to turn away from what is wrong and do what is right.

And our willingness to work hard and not give up.

A part of me is writing this so that when things get hard, as I'm sure they will, I can come back to it and remind myself why he is worth it... why I am worth it...

We made a beautiful little boy- he alone is worth it! I hope our marriage serves as an example for him... of what TO DO, not what not to do.

I hope he loves deeply.

I hope he sees us love each other deeply.

I hope we always stay strong- in our faith and our commitment to each other.

Brandon,
     You are a gift to me from God.  I hope others see His heart and love, in the way I care for you.  I give you my heart.  I have no greater gift to give.  I promise I will always do try my best.

I
Love
You
Everyday.

Happy Anniversary!

ImL,
Karen

I won't give up <3

18w 3d.. hello baby!

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day 

to my amazing husband and baby daddy :-)

Do you know you're the best dad ever?!  Well you are!!!

And... Happy Father's Day

to my father

I love you both and am so grateful for you in my life and in Peyton's

bye bye first tri

I wrote this post several weeks ago.  Since we've finally announced my pregnancy, I'm just posting it now.  I'm now into my second trimester and no longer have most of the symptoms that I wrote about here.  I feel the baby kick now and i love it!


Written at 14 weeks:

I haven't made it "internet" known yet, but I'm just beyond my first trimester of my second pregnancy!  Brandon and I are expecting another baby and we're really excited!  Even though I don't plan to publish this just yet... I do plan to after I announce our pregnancy, so I want to remember as much as I can.

Overall, my first trimester went well.  Similar to when I was pregnant with Peyton.  I got nauseous in the evenings- despite it being so called "morning" sickness.  I didn't really get sick much... just nauseous.  One big difference between my first pregnancy and this one was that I have been EXHAUSTED!  I've been a kind of tired that I've never in my life felt before- even after Peyton was born.  With Peyton my first trimester was over my summer break and I was able to take naps and rest.  With this one... I'm working, I can't take naps, and rest is slow to come by.  Besides this though, things have gone pretty well (but I'm really looking forward to summer break- which begins in less than three weeks!).  One other symptom that I did NOT experience with Peyton is that I have to pee all-the-time! Like every 15 minutes!  I'm sure you wanted to know that.

Because of the complications I experienced with Peyton (pre-eclampsia with HELLP syndrome), I have been labeled as "high-risk."  So far all this has meant is that I had some extra blood work done and I had to collect my urine in a big orange jug over 24 hours and take it into the doctor.  Apparently I'll have to do this two more times.

I'm sure that some of these details are more than what anyone needs to know, but I'd like to keep a record of the pregnancy for myself.  It's harder to focus my attention on this baby, when I have my little baby running around here.  I haven't taken any belly photos, and I am showing some at 14 weeks, which is much earlier than with Peyton.  So instead, this will act as my documentation for now.  Only 6 more weeks until we find out if this little baby is going to be Peyton's little brother or sister :-)  Very exciting!

Amen to that!

i love summer

It's amazing what you can get done when you don't have to go to work for 10 hours during the day!  I love summer break...

I love NOT setting an alarm.
I love waking up and getting Peyton from his crib.
I love getting to eat breakfast and drink coffee while sitting on my couch instead of while driving in my car.
I love getting to watch the news or other random morning talk shows.. and daytime shows like "A Baby Story."
I love having nowhere to be and nothing in particular to do. 
I  love the feeling of having ENERGY.. and not feeling so drained and exhausted that I can't function past 4pm.
I love having time to clean, organize, and make all of the things I pinned on Pinterest!

And that brings me to what I've done the last two days...

I cleaned and organized our main level.  I filled and threw away three trash bags of junk.  Then I redecorated!  It all started with a trip to HomeGoods.

I bought new curtains.. blue with white stitching.  I am awful with measurements so they are too short as they always are.. but oh well. (sorry for the bad pictures... I didn't edit any of them and they were taken at night).

I also bought a few baskets so that I could better organize things under our sofa table.

I bought a few pictures frames so that I could finally make my picture collage on the wall behind the couch.  I moved the picture that was there to a different room, took a trip to AC Moore, got some more supplies and worked on it for two days.

First I started with the canvas.  I bought a blank canvas, painted it blue, then let it dry.  Once it was dry, I distressed it a little (or tried to).

Then I used yellow scrapbook paper (with gold dots) to cut out the word HOME.  I used white paint to paint the rest of the lyric "is wherever I am with you."

I also bought some paper flowers that I glued on to the corner of the canvas.  You'll see that in the final pictures.

Next I pulled out the picture frames that I bought on clearance.  I painted two of them white and cut out scrapbook paper to use as art inside each frame.  I distressed the other two using sandpaper.  In one I added a picture of Peyton.  With the other one, I threw out the glass and backing so that I would only have the frame.

Last, I painted yellow stripes onto a big wooded letter "C" that I bought.  I added some of the paper flowers that I glued to the canvas for decoration.  Then I planned to outline the C with the empty distressed frame.

And last... I put it all together to make a collage.....

Final product...

  

I also bought from HomeGoods the blue vase on the right and the lantern on the left.  I'm really bad at accessorizing.. but I'm trying :-)

Next I'm moving on to my bedroom... then Peyton's big boy room....then I should relax, but to be honest it makes me feel really at ease to look around and see organization!  Did I mention I loooovvveee summer?!

peyton has some pretty big news...

I'm 16w5d pregnant with my second baby.  Brandon and I are extremely blessed to have this handsome little man and a little boy or girl on the way  <3