Friday, May 11, 2012

"I don't want to be good enough"

I've been thinking a lot lately about the role of parents.  It began when our pastor gave a message last Sunday about the impact of rejection on us.  He posed the question... why does rejection cause such pain even when you receive multiple positive affirmations?  Why does rejection as a child, adolescent, or even adult have the power to change who we are?  Why does it hold such significance in who we become and often lead down destructive paths?  I understand that rejection can come from many sources- parents, siblings, friends, and even strangers- but I truly feel that the rejection someone feels when they are abandoned by a parent has the longest, most devastating impact.

I've been lucky in my life to have parents that have always been there.  I haven't ever had to feel rejection on that level...and I'm thankful.  Everyday as a teacher I believe I see the impact that this has on who my teenage students have become.  Many seem so lost that they will seek any form of attention- often negative- in order to be seen.  I've had several students come into class angry everyday, bitter, and negative.  It's as if they have put up a wall to make sure that no one will let them down and they lower their expectations for themselves so that they can't even let themselves down.

With Mother's day this weekend and Father's day not far behind, I hope that all mothers and fathers will realize that they have been given a wonderful gift in getting to be a parent.  I hope we all understand that with this right comes significant responsibility.

Children need you to be their life vest... protect them, keep support them, and keep them safe.

I was reminded of the impact of rejection when I watched the VH1 show, Couples Therapy.  So, I am a little embarrassed to say I was watching this show... however there was a marathon on and nothing else to watch so I got sucked in... it's not my fault :-)  Anyway... while watching Couples Therapy (mostly D-list celebrity couples live in the same house and are counseled for a month or so) the "hard-core" rapper DMX was featured with his wife.  While in therapy, 41 year-old DMX broke down, sobbing, crying because of the pain he STILL feels about being left by his mother when he was 7!

Let me repeat:  A 41 year-old rapper was sobbing over not being ever being able to call his mother "mommy" and never being told "I love you."

Do you see the necessity for present, loving parents?

I was hit hard once more this week when I finally got around to watching the movie Courageous.  I've put off watching it because to be honest... it's a "Christian" movie and I was afraid it would be filled with bad acting and corny dialogue.  Well... there was some of that- but the message was so GOOD that it didn't matter.  The movie is about a father's role, more specifically a father's role according to the Bible.  In our society, growing up in a household without a father has become so normal that I probably almost come off as "judgemental" when I say that I think this change has also had a role in some of the negative changes that our society has experienced as well.

In the end of the movie, the main character says this...
"....A father should love his children and seek to win their hearts.  He should protect them, discipline them, and teach them about God.  He should model how to walk with integrity and treat others with respect, and should call out his children to become responsible men and women who live their lives for what matters in eternity."
 
Unless you don't believe in God, I don't know any person who would argue with this idea of fatherhood- however we are quick to accept when fathers walk away, or when mothers don't make having their child's father in their life a priority.  I get that there are some circumstances that are beyond anyone's control, so I'm not saying that every situation is the same.  What I am saying is that regardless of why a parent is absent, I do believe that it has a significant impact on who that child becomes- for some more than others.

There was one other line that really impacted me from the same speech as the quote above.  He said...
 "as a father, you are accountable to God for the position of influence He has given you."
Everyday, parents- including myself- take for granted this position that God has entrusted us with.  

In the beginning of this post, I restated a question that my pastor asked in his message- Why does rejection as a child, adolescent, or even adult have the power to change who we are?  Why does it hold such significance in who we become and often lead down destructive paths?

His response to that was because we were not ever supposed to experience hurt and rejection.  When God created us, we were created "in his own image" (Genesis 1:27) and the image of God is one of love.  The Bible says "whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love" (1 John 4:8) 

God calls on us to love.  God said the most important commandment is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." The second most important commandment is to "love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:28-32)
  
We were called to and created to love one another.  We were never meant to feel rejection, disappointment or pain, so when we do- it hurts... bad and it can cause us to act out in search of the love that we were created to feel.

This Mother's day I will remember that being a mother is a privilege, it is a gift given to me by God.  No matter how tired I am or frustrated, or angry, or annoyed- I have been placed in a position of influence and I would be dishonoring God if I did not hold myself accountable to His expectations. With that being said......

Happy Mother's Day to everyone who is a mother (or mother figure) to someone!   

(almost) Mother's Day 2012

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